Reality TV has been around since the beginning of the millennium and it has always featured attractive young people who are usually looking for love. One of the most famous examples is the hit show, Love Island.
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While seeing young people looking for love in bikinis has been the norm for over 20 years, a new trend of reality TV is emerging. These shows focus on older people and give them the opportunity to find love. After all, shouldn’t reality TV reflect the real world?
Leading the trend is My Mum, Your Dadcreated by the American father-daughter duo Haley and Greg Daniels. The concept is simple: a group of single parents have been nominated by their adult children for a ‘second chance at love.’ But, in a massive plot twist ‘their kids will be watching their every move from a nearby location.’
Richard Cowles, Managing Director of Lifted Entertainment explains:
They may come from a different age bracket but they share the same, simple aim, to fall in love. And for single parents the stakes are even higher.
I asked relationship and psychosexual therapist, Dr Amani Zarroug all about those higher stakes, and how children handle seeing their parents date. More importantly, Dr Zarroug has predicted what viewers can expect from the possible revolution that is My Mum, Your Dad.
'Every relationship is a lesson'
Dr Amani Zarroug has been practicing psychology for over 20 years. She was the perfect professional to get in touch with because not only does she have a masters in relationship and psychosexual therapy but she also is an aficionado of reality TV. On her Instagram she does a segment called ‘A Therapist’s Reactions…’ where she comments on shows like Love Island or Married at First Sight.
Dr Zarroug believes that reality TV is ‘a fun way of engaging with people’ and a great way ‘of using pop culture to educate.’
When watching the French version of the show (Ma mère, Mon père, L'amour et Moi) I was left wondering if there are many differences between the ways young and older people date.Especially in 2023, when the dating world is so different.
According to Dr Zarroug, we are now in a world where people date ‘strangers’ when before, people met through ‘a friend, family, activities’ or while ‘socialising.’
Many parents of Ma Mère... say they no longer know how to date. Dr Zarroug believes that one of the challenges the parents on My Mum, Your Dad will face is how ‘to find (their) feet again.’ She says that their willingness to dip their ‘feet in the dating pool once again’ will be crucial.
Dr Zarroug also points out that getting older brings on many different aspects that impact how you date. She adds:
(...) you have other things that you’re considering. Your own health issues, children to consider (...) So, managing your day to day stress as well as your interest in being free and enjoying yourself becomes also more tricky.
In an interview, the host of My Mum, Your Dad, Davina McCall calls that ‘baggage’ while Dr Zarroug, prefers to think of ‘every relationship as a lesson.’ The parents of My Mum, Your Dad should therefore have a better understanding of themselves, their values and what they want.
We'll see if that's true…
Children and parents naturally 'switch roles'
One of the most beautiful elements in the French version of the show is the love that children have for their parents. They are in their twenties and seem to struggle with the idea that their parents might grow old alone.
Dr Zarroug explains that ‘as people age we kind of switch roles’ and because getting older means getting more vulnerable ‘children may have a natural propensity to start looking after their parents.’
When I tell her how invested the children are in their parents’ future Dr Zarroug says:
These young adults are in a position where they all want their parents to fall in love. It signals to me (and I haven’t watched the show) that there’s been a lot of self sacrifice from the parent to child. And the child has become aware of that.
We then start talking about where this sense of responsibility may come from. Dr Zarroug cleverly brings up the fact that, in the Western world, it is mostly understood that, at 18, kids become adults and are therefore expected to leave the nest.
Our Western way of separating children and parents means children have a tendency to want to ‘give back’ the care they were once given by their parents. But this comes with a massive complication:
How do you manage all of the natural emotions that you might feel towards your parents’ now that you have left the nest?
Dr Zarroug has one reservation about the show. When I explain that the children have the opportunity to choose who their parents go on a date with, she says it’s ‘problematic.’ She thinks it would be better if the show allowed ‘a space for the children to negotiate with the parents.’
She also makes the point that ‘part of forming a relationship is your choice’ and by having the children choose dates for their parents ‘we’re moving the element of choice' and 'it undermines something because commitment is also choice.’
My Mum, Your Dad, a real identity crisis
The last element that shines through in the French show is how many of the parents state that they have lost themselves in their role. A mum says:
I forgot I was a woman.
Dr Zarroug reminds me, a childless woman, that ‘the process of having a child starts before the child is born’ and that it is different for everyone. She also explains that ‘some people who have really wanted to be parents' often have their identities 'fixated in the parenthood.’
I ask Dr Zarroug to give practical advice for parents who want to date again after a while. She says:
Communication is key but what we tend to forget is communicating with ourselves
Have a sit down with yourself, whatever that looks like. The point is that you are really true to what it is that you want and what you envisage in your life and what would make you happier.
She then advises that you ‘articulate’ your findings ‘in your interaction with people.’
Dating is work, no matter your age.
Read more:Davina McCall: My Mom, Your Dad host reveals that she would definitely never be on the show
Love is 'ageless'
We end the interview with Dr Zarroug's expectations from the show. She is both realistic and hopeful. Well aware that ‘reality TV couples don’t tend to stay together’ she hopes that the parents will be ‘genuine in their intentions.’
For her, My Mum, Your Dad is a true opportunity for growth and learning. She says we can expect to see ‘butterflies' but also parents 'feeling insecure' and 'thinking about the person a lot' but also possible 'thoughts about body image.’
Basically all the things younger people feel too because, as Dr Zarroug reminds us:
The process of finding love is ageless.
If you fall in love at 80 or at 18, the same chemicals are moving through your body.
My Mum, Your Dad starts Monday 11 September at 9pm on ITV.
Read more:This test created by a NASA rocket scientist might be the way to find your one true love
Sources:
ITV: New dating show My Mum, Your Dad hosted by Davina McCall.
Evening Standard: ‘I’d rather be celibate for the rest of my life!’ Davina McCall says she won’t join celeb dating app Raya
