For some people, family means love, warmth and support. For others, the thought of seeing or interacting with family fills them with dread and anxiety. This could be traced to their childhood and what was modelled for them. It could also be that there are some relatives that are toxic. It is not easy to cut off a toxic family member, but at least you should be able to tell if their energy doesn’t align with yours. These signs could help.
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You don’t enjoy their company
This is probably the most obvious sign. Knowing that you will be seeing your nosy aunt or your creepy cousin Luke, may cause you to avoid those mandatory family gatherings. According to Women’s Health, this could be because you feel weak and unseen after your conversations with them. Their presence could be unsettling to you, or you worry about your safety and that of others when they’re around you.
They drive a wedge between family members
This could be a parent or a guardian who constantly compares you to your siblings or cousins. They might do this by praising the successes of that sibling you’ve always felt competitive with, making you feel inadequate. Or, they might share with you what another family said about you. Trauma therapist, Shannon Thomas says:
Unhealthy parents will pit their children against one another, or against other members of the family. They set up scenarios where jealousy and resentment can flourish.
Small disagreements quickly block up
Having disagreements with family members is inevitable, but when you find that the smallest argument with a relative almost always blows up into a fight, you may be dealing with a toxic person. This could be because they are so quick to generalize during an argument. Such people are also good at distorting information or events to make you look bad. According to a family-focused counsellor, Tracy Ross:
There's a feeling you have to walk on eggshells, so you don't trigger a fight
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