The playground is the birthplace of most of our childhood friendships. The smallest thing can connect two people. Does he like to play on the swings like me? He's my new friend now. Does she love Pokémon cards too? BFFs!
Discover our latest podcast
But as time goes by, making new friends seems harder and harder, and once we reach adulthood, our friend circle hardly changes at all. Why is that?
Good friendship is built over time
For our colleagues at Raleigh News, Australian psychologist Anastasia Hronis explains a phenomenon that is becoming increasingly widespread: how hard it is to make new friends as an adult. After the age of eighteen, the time for recreation, summer camp or the day-care centre is over. It is now time to focus on your studies, and the next step is integration into the workforce.
Childhood priorities of kicking a ball around with friends or playing tag with the neighbour are now over. Be it in a blue or white collar, being busy is now the order of the day. The psychologist also points out that friend circles are shrinking. Many of the people we knew as children are now distant acquaintances, and those who remain are only the very best of friends.
So why is a friendship so difficult to strike once you reach adulthood? First of all, because it takes time. A buddy has to earn your trust. For an acquaintance to become a friendship, it takes about 50 hours of shared contact, according to American experts.
For a friendship to become a close friendship, joining the close circle, it takes no less than 200 hours. And by close contact, we don't just mean a standard discussion or even a professional relationship with your colleagues. You have to establish a 'personal connection' with the person, get to know him or her outside the world of work, the gym or the daycare centre.
The impact of COVID living
As you will have surely noticed, our relationships with others have changed somewhat over the past two years. With the advent of COVID-19, it is now more complicated to go to places that are conducive to meeting people, whether for sentimental or friendly reasons. Closed venues and social distancing have been real friendship killers.
Even more seriously, cases of severe loneliness have increased. Across Australia, 54% of people say they have felt more lonely since the outbreak of the virus, whereas before 2019, this feeling only affected one in three Australians.
A 10-minute friendship?
If in our youth we did not really question how we became friends with this or that person, once we are adults the whole thing becomes a little more complicated. There is no real tutorial, as psychologist Anastasia Hronis reports, but a few tips can help two people become friends. According to her, just ten minutes of daily interaction can be enough.
Take the time to get interested in the person, especially their tastes. At the same time, don't open up too much, either. Take the time to talk about moments in your life and about more personal aspects.
Don't forget, if you feel lonely, don't hesitate to call the Samaritans hotline at 116 123.
